UAC 108 | Finding Your Soul-Mate

 

Some people spend almost their entire lives looking for that special someone, while some have known theirs all their lives. That sigh of relief after finding your soul-mate and being together is both a dream and reality for people. Actor, Producer, Editor and Director, Joshua Davis, shares an intimate time in his life that led him to believe in soul-mates and God’s participation in his life. He also raises awareness on the importance of providing help consistently to those in need of guidance and support. Joshua discusses in great detail, the different reasons that causes toxic masculinity in today’s society along with the harmful effects it has on the relationships between men and women. He emphasizes the great importance of seeking the right answers, and being part of the solutions that we need, instead of adding to the problems around us.

Listen to the podcast here:

Joshua Davis: On Becoming A Man: Serving Out Of Abundance, Perseverance Through Consistency, And Finding Your Soul-Mate

I had the chance to sponsor my first child named Braise, who lives in Rwanda and I am excited to see how God will work in my life and his through this relationship. My church hosted a speaker from an organization that connected people with children in poverty. After seeing the work they were doing, I knew it was something that I wanted to be a part of. I went online and decided to start sponsoring this little guy named Braise. We share the same birthday, which is a super cool connection that I wanted to make so that my support and letter writing would be more significant for both of us. Honestly, it’s way better to focus on someone else than yourself on your birthday, too. This means that I’m paying $38 a month, which helps pay for Braise to go to school, see a doctor when he needs to, get proper nutrition, and get the mentoring and tutoring he’ll need to be healthy as he grows up.

This is all through a group called Compassion International. In looking them up, I learned that Compassion has been releasing children from poverty in Jesus’ name since 1952. Through their holistic child development model, they blend physical, social, economic, and spiritual care together to help children in poverty fully mature in every facet of life and transcend the often generational cycle of poverty. Through this work, they have become the world’s leading authority in holistic child development through sponsorship with more than 1.9 million children sponsored in their program. If you want to help a child be released from poverty, visit Compassion.com/upandcomers or simply text the word ‘change’ to 83393. If you want to be the change that you wish to see in the world, I can’t think of a better place to start.

I am excited about this episode. Our guest is a good friend of mine, a great guy, and a great man. You’re going to enjoy the interview. Before we get there, I want to encourage you to leave us a rating and review on iTunes. It’s super simple and easy, especially if you’re already listening to iTunes. Scroll down on your phone and tap the five-star button. If you enjoyed the content that we’re producing and the interviews we’re sharing, it’d be an awesome and easy way to help out. You can also send us an email at TheUpAndComersShow@Gmail.com if you want to drop some comments, questions, and things you’d like for us to discuss, we’d love to hear from you. We have some partnership opportunities opening up, coming down the pipeline. If you’ve got a company and you want a partner, then let us know.

This interview is with Joshua Davis. Joshua Davis is an Actor, Producer, and Director living in Hollywood, California. He is known for his work for producing and directing for BuzzFeed. As an actor, he’s appeared in television shows like Grey’s Anatomy and General Hospital. In his free time, Joshua serves as a mentor to teen boys through Good City Mentors and the Boys Republic. Joshua is a stellar dude. I met him through Good City Mentors. Shout out to Brian Larrabee who was in episode 86.

This will be a fun and engaging conversation. We’ll sink on a lot of levels. We’ll talk a lot about overcoming insecurities, serving others, finding identity, and the importance of consistency in life. We’ll talk about operating out of abundance versus scarcity. It’s something that we talked about in episode 107 on the two core emotions in life. We’ll discuss how he found his soulmate and why he believes soulmates are real. That was a fascinating story and an interesting topic or thought stream. We’ll also talk about toxic and healthy masculinity and comparing and contrasting those. It’s important for all the men out there and even women to understand. We’ll talk about his creative journey and the difference between being a specialist and a generalist, and so much more. There’s a lot. Enjoy this interview with Joshua Davis.

Joshua Davis, welcome to the show.

Thanks for having me.

We were talking about why your name is Joshua Davis and not Josh Davis. Fill me in on why that’s important.

Most of my life I went by Josh or other nicknames from friends or cousins. My cousin would call me Joshy and then my mom would call me Joshy Washy. Josh was always the thing or when you play football, it’s Davis and you have all these different names. As I was entering in my early 30s around Christ year, 33, I remember watching Matthew McConaughey on his Oscar-winning speech when he won a handful of years ago. In his interviews where he would talk about he doesn’t go by Matt. He goes by Matthew because that’s the name that his father gave him. Not so long after that, my brother had his first son and my first nephew. I remember holding him as an infant hours after he was born. My brother passes into me and says, “This is your nephew, Elijah.” I was picturing my father holding me after I was first born and I know that my mom told me that my father got to choose my name because my mom chose my brother’s name. I was picturing him holding me saying, “This is Joshua Brandon Davis,” and it gave me this power.

It’s always been one of my favorite books in the Bible. That story has always been one of my favorites. As I was entering this new phase of fully stepping into manhood, responsibility, character, and God’s purpose for me, Joshua is who I am. Joshua was what I want to go by. I’m not a Nazi with it. I’m not going to make all my friends change if they’ve been calling me that for years, but I introduced myself as Joshua on my emails and signature. That changed my SAG name. It was always Joshua Brandon Davis because Josh Davis wasn’t available anyway, so that was fine. Joshua is my name. It’s my God-given name and I feel there’s a power to that.

There’s such power in a name and all throughout scripture, it talks about the power of this Jesus name. To have a name change is cool because a lot of times, I have some friends in my community and this one guy had changed his name completely, drastically, and permanently because he felt that he was no longer that person. He was a different person, which is an intentional choice that has meaning and depth to it as much as saying, “No. My name is Joshua.” What was your favorite nickname if you had to pick one?

My nicknames weren’t great because I was a chubby kid. I worked at McDonald’s in my freshman year of high school for a few months and because I was chubby, my brother made a joke and called me McFat once and he could tell that I was hurt. He was like, “No, with a ph like McPhat.” I was like, “Nobody else thinks that.” All of a sudden, it became a thing where they called me that. What a funny one that I had was certain friends call me Yeshua because they know what that means and that’s probably been my most favorite one.

Don’t forget to pray and ask to be the person God wants you to be, before receiving his blessings. Click To Tweet

I love how your brother is trying to justify it. I learned some interesting things about you in some background research. One of the things I was advised to not talk about was the Dallas Cowboys, so we’re not going to go there.

I would love to talk about the Dallas Cowboys. You don’t want to talk about Victoria’s team or five Super Bowl champions.

Would you want to talk about a potty-training story?

I didn’t put my dad on the list. He’s the one that tells every new person that meets me this story. When I was two, I was peeing on my own at this point, I would go to the toilet and I would pee and then I would always slam the toilet seat down. I don’t know why. I would be like, “Boom. I’m done.” Who knows? I was a little kid. One time, I did it and my junk was still in the way of the toilet seat. These weren’t those plastic toilet seats at the time like we have a lot nowadays. It was probably the iron toilet seats, but they were heavier back in the ‘80s, but for the record, I’m an original Millennial.

I slammed it and it split my penis right down the middle. I can remember screaming and then the next thing, I was in the back seat. My mom wrapped it in a towel that started out white and turned completely soaked in blood. My dad making was a joke that it looked like a hot dog, cut it open and filled it with ketchup. It was terrible. Eight hours later in the hospital, my parents were chasing me as I’m running through the hospital like a madman at 2.5 or 3 years old. That was my first real painful experience. It’s all bad.

That’s a memorable moment, I can imagine. I also hear that when you were a kid, you were passionate about everything you did. It makes sense that you’d be passionate about slamming the toilet seat down, too. One of the things you did a lot as a kid is, you’d always dress up in characters and have an amazing imagination with these characters. You would even say, “Don’t call me Joshua. It’s this.” You’re in character. What sparked that as a kid? What memories you have of those kinds of times?

It’s funny because as I’m seeing my first nephew, Elijah, he is personality-wise like me as compared to my brother and he notices it. My brother’s like, “I’m raising you,” but he likes to dress up and I’m like, “Where did that come from?” I don’t know. All I remember is being young and I got a cape for Superman and I would run around the house like that. I loved seeing these characters and wanted to embody that confidence and power. Home is stressful as a child when my parents were still married. I probably dove into my imagination to escape a lot. I remember we were speaking to the Cowboys when we were young, maybe 4 or 5 or younger than that because my grandfather on my mom’s side is a huge Cowboys fan. My father was a huge Cowboys fan, so that was a cool bonding thing for them. We got these Cowboys uniforms, helmet, and the whole thing.

After I was done with that, I took the helmet and I would go ride my bike around the cul-de-sacs. My helmet was my headset to talk to the kit. I was reenacting Nightrider. I would ride around and do that. I don’t remember where it started. I knew that I loved it and it was fun. It probably culminated when I was probably in third grade when Dick Tracy came out and that movie was my favorite. I got close to my grandfather. I had an old suit, an old trench coat, a hat, and a plastic pistol. I made myself a little watch like Tracy’s watch. When my mom took me to the movie, I dressed up in full outfit and I was like, “I’m Dick Tracy. Don’t call me Josh.” In the middle of the movie, I remember I had my little pistol, which nowadays you can never do this and it’s way too dangerous. I was firing it at the screen as he was in those action sequences and my mom’s like, “Let’s put that down.”

Was it a real pistol?

No, it was a fake pistol like a toy gun that they had more of back in the day in the ‘80s and early ‘90s. My imagination was always a big thing for me and what I do now, you can see where it all started.

Were there other characters that you’re attached to or cling to the most?

When I was young, He-Man was a big one, big time. Also, Superman and even Rambo to a certain extent. I don’t even know if I had seen the Rambo movies, I knew what it was about. As I got even a little older into 5th or 6th grade and middle school, it would be whatever action movie was going on. I was huge on action movies because our dad would always let us watch action movies. There’s always a funny thing because mom would never let us watch anything past PG-13. We would go to dad’s house on the weekends and then we would watch all the action movies. It was always these action heroes and stuff like that and then it turned into comic book characters like Wolverine and Hardy Boys that I used to read a lot and every Hardy Boys book.

UAC 108 | Finding Your Soul-Mate

Finding Your Soul-Mate: While you strive to achieve success, if you’re not in a posture of giving, then none of it will matter.

 

At my grandparents’ house, they had this awesome big backyard and my grandfather used to fix and rebuild old cars, so he had a bunch of cars in different stages of fixing from some that were just the chassis. Some that he would go to take parts from and some that were put together. I remember I would run through that backyard and act out as an entire Hardy Boys book of starting to find the clues and be the detective. I would have a girlfriend and we would go on a date. All by myself, I acted these things out. I always had a big imagination for sure.

Did you ever get into Nancy Drew as well?

I’m not going to lie. This was me looking back now, realizing the toxic masculinity that I was even learning then, but I was like, “No, she’s not as cool. She’s not as good as the Hardy Boys.” I didn’t want to read. I tried, but I was like, “I don’t relate to her the same way.” Maybe that is young boys, adolescent boys in the way you’re like, “Girls are icky.” I didn’t vibe with it yet.

I love the Hardy Boys. Those were good.

You look like Joe. I remember from the new versions when they were a little bit more modern. They were taking over and they did a different extension series. The guys on the cover were a little slicker and cooler-looking. You look like Joe that they drew on the cover of that.

I’ll take it. Call me Joe Hardy. Who would be the characters that you admire most now?

In terms of fictional characters?

Yeah, that you see within a story, movie, film or books.

I love the Marvel movies. I’m not going to lie. I’m still a big kid when it comes to those. I love what they did with the final movie. I’m not going to spoil anybody haven’t seen it, but the guy that I related to more than anybody was Thor, especially in the first Thor movie. He was this dude who had been born into what he had and took it all for granted. He became cocky and arrogant, and he had this immense power that he was gifted. If he didn’t have the character and if he didn’t have the heart and the right intention, he couldn’t use it. He couldn’t pick up his hammer.

His dad banished him and said, “Until you learn, gather the right character, heart, and intention.” The hammer was this big heavyweight he couldn’t pick up. I love that concept. That’s what I feel about it with us as people and even though there seem to be plenty of people who found power and success without having character. The real power and real success are to have that real gifting and be able to lean into the power that we’ve all been given individually from God. You have to have your heart the right way. Your intentions have to be right and your character has to be on point. That’s what I took away from any fictional movie that I’ve seen lately.

When was that moment when you made that shift to be able to pick up the hammer in your own life? When was that shift where you recognize you had the heart shift and you were able to lean into that gifting you’ve been given?

It started my first week in LA. I remember I’d moved out here and my friend took me to a bar to show me the Hollywood scene. I’m standing there having a drink and taking it in. I see this actor who was on a show that I had been watching a week before when I was still in Arizona and I’m like, “There’s that guy from that show. How cool is this?” I see him and he’s wasted. He’s stumbling around the bar looking like a fool. He was looking for his friends. I could remember that I prayed at that moment and I’m like, “God, please help me become the man that you want me to be before you give me these things.” It’s what started me on that path of searching for that character to be able to pick up that hammer.

It’s better to make a mistake with the right intentions than get things done with the wrong intentions. Click To Tweet

That’s such powerful prayer because that is the missing link for many of us in this up and coming phase. If we’re honest, we’re in that process our whole lives. We should never leave that process because we’ll never finish it. I love the quote, “Forward progress is never a finished process.” More of us should realize that we need to be prepared before we’re appointed. You can have a calling and anointing, but we shouldn’t be appointed to that position until we’re ready for it because otherwise, it’s going to be chaos and destruction. What helps you stay in that place? It’s easy to have one moment of that, but to continue that heart posture, I struggle with it. Everyone struggles with that.

Over the years, I definitely wasn’t as consistent as I would’ve wanted to be. I would put myself in situations that I knew it would require of me. I remember shortly thereafter, I started reading The Purpose Driven Life because I was out here by myself and didn’t have a church. Even at that point, I’d moved away from going to church consistently. My faith never wavered. I didn’t like being around Christian people because often, I felt judged. I understood the reason why atheists don’t believe it and why they don’t like it in a bigger picture of the same way that people will stereotype the Islam faith-based and the loudest people that do the worst things.

The loudest Christians that do the worst things are the ones that a lot of people relate to Christianity. I had my fill of that thing, so I started digging in on my own either way because I knew what my faith was and I still want to know what that life looked like. Reading that book was cool and then I did end up finding a church. They would get these deliveries from Trader Joe’s on Wednesday at 7:00 in the morning. It was their almost expired food, so you would have to go through and sort all the food. Throw out the stuff that was definitely rotting and then the other stuff, you would organize it into salads and bread.

The homeless crew in the neighborhood would come out at 11:00 in the morning and take their pick of the food and then we would go and socialize with them. That was a big thing for me, but then I got swallowed up. I got into a relationship and I was definitely trying to make sure that I had a character at that moment, but I was still insecure. I’m battling some of my own demons. I know that I wasn’t always that person, but I was always trying to be because I knew that God had given me something.

That also highlights God’s way. His way is never about the right actions, it’s about the right heart because the right heart flows the right actions. Anytime we try to have the right actions, we’re missing the heart. Even having the right heart with the wrong actions is oftentimes better than the right actions with a wrong heart.

I would rather make a mistake with the right intention than have the wrong intention and get it done.

I was reading about Simon Peter getting Jesus coming to his boat and talked to the crowds. After talking to the crowds, He was like, “You guys go toss your net over there and you’re going to get some fish.” They’re like, “We were trying that if you say so,” and then they haul. Two boats both sinking. The first thing that Peter does is he dropped to his knees and said, “Master, I’m not worthy for you. I’m not the guy.” That’s what got once and Jesus was like, “Perfect. Now, we’re going.”

God’s grace is still a thing I’m constantly discovering. We all beat ourselves up for everything bad that we’d done. When it’s a thing that you’ve done in the past and you felt like you moved on, and then you find yourself in a situation that you do it again and you’re like, “God, what can I do for you? I feel like a waste right now.” He’s like, “That’s where I want you to be and recognize that you can’t do without me.”

He always wants a partnership. That’s the thing. It’s not Him. It’s not us. It’s together. I want to come back to toxic masculinity because that’s going to be a big topic. One thing you brought up was you’re serving food at Trader Joe’s. The way that we met was through Good City Mentors. I want to know about your process for giving back and the journey you made on your own life and now, as you think about opportunities. Trader Joe’s serving food was one of the first entry points to like, “What does it mean to give, sacrifice, and serve others more?” When did that start becoming a part of your life?

It was around that time when I had finished reading The Purpose Driven Life. I remember my big takeaway from that was while I’m striving to achieve all of this success and get so much for myself, if I didn’t have a posture of giving already, then none of that mattered. I knew that because I was somebody that had become selfish to overcome my own insecurities of like, “I’m going to focus on me. I’m going to do what I need to do for me.” I knew that I needed to flip the switch a little bit and find more balance internally. Being at that church, when that opportunity came, I knew that I needed to do that.

I was on that church for a couple of years, but then after that, I moved on to a different church. I was caught up in pursuing my career and I was in a relationship. You’re focusing on all those things and then that relationship ended. It kicked my butt. I remember knowing somebody had said, “When you’re in pain, the best thing you can do is go serve someone else.” I went and started serving in my church being a greeter or usher type thing at Mosaic Hollywood. I was serving and doing that and that was great, but I knew that I could do more, but I didn’t know how else to do more.

At a certain point, my good friend Nathaniel, we had spoken to each other. We’d been introduced and we’d had a half of a conversation in a group setting. One day, he comes up to me after church when I had been serving and he was like, “I mentor these boys on Tuesday nights. I feel like you’d be good at it. Would you be down?” Immediately, I was like, “Yes.” I knew that this is what I’ve been looking for. I want to give it back. Being in a church space is awesome and serving in that way, but those people are already there, so they already have an idea of knowing something like what they need to get and find.

UAC 108 | Finding Your Soul-Mate

Finding Your Soul-Mate: When you feel all the love God’s given you and all the constant gratitude, you’ll feel you want to give it back because so many doesn’t have it.

 

I wanted to make a connection with people that were far removed from that. Even before I started even serving a church when I was bartending, I would invite people while I was bartending to come to Mosaic with me because I knew it was a place that I can be like, “That place is cool. You can come dressed as you want to bring all your tats. You’re going to feel like you’re not judged. Come in.” I would bring a handful of people from church or from my bar that I bartended at to come to church because they trusted me that way.

That was a start where I was like, “I want to be able to reach more people like that because they need to know that God loves them. They need to know that there’s a space that you can step into that is different from everything you’ve heard about from these other loud people, these Fox News type of people that claim to be the righteous side.” I wanted to show them that God is much different than humans. They claim to be like God. That started it and then mentoring with those boys, I realized that the biggest thing with them was consistency.

In the first program I ever started at the Boys Republic, these kids were gang bangers. These kids came from families that the dad was in prison or on parole, the mother was a drug dealer or the kids had been selling drugs. They all came from these hard areas of their life. I have a family that comes from that as well. I’m half black, half white, so I grew up knowing both sides of it and I had cousins on my black side. I knew the only reason that I didn’t end up in certain bad situations like them was that my father stuck around or because I had been taken to church and given a foundation of faith. I had an opportunity to see that there was more for me and I saw that they didn’t have any hope.

They didn’t see that there was more for them except for what was right in front of them. “We’re broke. This is where we live. This is my opportunity to make money. This is all I have.” Getting to deal with those kids was important to me because I recognized that they need somebody to tell them that there is something else for them. It inspires when you start to see a kid gain hope, gain confidence and start to go for a goal that they never thought they could have. The saddest part about that is that you start to see that and then one of those kids tells you, “I went and told my uncles that I want to graduate from high school and go to college. They laughed at me and told me, ‘You’re never going to do that. You’re going to be out on the streets for the rest of your life.’” I’m like, “It’s hard. I can’t imagine what that would be like.” I’ve had people that speak hope, encouragement, and truth to me.

It is hard to fathom, especially when we haven’t grown up in that situation like me. Bill Simon said, “I was born on third base and thought I hit a triple.” That’s how a lot of us grow up, especially if you’re in the opposite environment. You don’t realize how impossible it seems to be in a place where there are zero positive voices speaking into your life. It’s staggering. Talk to me a little bit more about the Boys Republic. What specifically was the Boys Republic? What were they trying to do or what were you doing with them?

We were leading them into manhood, a lot. We would talk about taking accountability for your actions and your character, then we would do simple things like teaching them about money management. We would do things that we didn’t get to learn. We teach them how to do the interview process or maybe we would bring them ties and teach them how to tie ties. We would have them like, “Come shake my hand and make eye contact. If you were in an interview, how would you do that?” We would do mock interviews, things of that nature, and give them an opportunity because for them, the big goal was to get them to graduate or at least get them to work an honest job. Not be out in the streets trying to hustle and make money that way. That started that way.

From that, you also got connected with Good City Mentors?

Yeah. Nathaniel was also doing stuff with Good City Mentors. I met Brian at Mosaic as well and then he’d been trying to get me involved for a while, but I was already doing Tuesdays and he would be early Saturday. I was still bartending at the time and I usually get home at 3:00 in the morning. I sleep until 11:00 to try to get enough sleep and then I have to go bartend again Saturday night. Saturday mornings weren’t good for me and then finally, it all clicked schedule-wise. I love Good City Mentors and I’ve been all over the place.

It’s been fun being alongside you in that. This is tension. It’s not always most wise to give everything all the time because then we end up having nothing to give. We’ve given it all and we have nothing left, but a lot of times, err on giving too little and there’s a tension in that. In your current life, how do you evaluate what you’re giving both time, energy, and resources, and where you’re at in that spectrum?

That is the constant tension on a daily basis because through mentoring, through me building my faith and through me, I have a lot of friends that don’t know God and Jesus, but they all have such a good heart. It’s funny because they’re like, “I’m an atheist.” I’m like, “Really? The way you speak and your actions are like Jesus.”

There’s something going on that you’re not aware of yet.

Since they don’t have that faith, they don’t have a lot of those tools and that belief that there’s something when you know that even when you’re in the worst circumstances, you’re like, “I know God and He’s doing something here. Even if I’m scared out of my mind and this feels awful, I know You’re going to help me,” or this is what I’m supposed to have to go through. I ended up being an ear for a lot of friends and between mentoring, I’ve found that I stress myself thin and being in a relationship that I’ve been in the past. It’s only been for a short time, even though we’ve known each other for a long time. I didn’t believe in soulmates until we got together, but she is my soulmate. It is a beautiful thing.

Your time is the biggest commodity that you have. It’s up to you how you use it. Click To Tweet

She has reminded me that I can’t give it away to everybody, especially because sometimes, I come back to her and I’m not giving her what she needs and then I’m not giving myself what I need. It’s a constant struggle. That’s one of my biggest challenges that I’ve been going through, especially because I want to do so much with Good City Mentors, but it doesn’t pay me anything. I need to work on my career and doing these other things as well because there’s got to be a balance in that. You want to be able to give back and also build your own life. Finding like time management is such a big part of that.

Giving out of abundance, not scarcity. We have to be caring and taking care of ourselves if we’re going to give out of abundance. It’s often overlooked within Christianity, which is sad. It’s like, “Jesus did this too.” He would ditch and He’d say, “I’m not telling you guys, but I’m bouncing. I’m going to go be with God, my father. I’m going to leave you all behind because I need it.”

I’ve been making time to do that and I definitely did that a good amount. I got in a good rhythm with it for a while, and then once I got in a relationship, I was like, “I need to recalibrate again,” because now, there’s someone that not just needs me, but I want to give as much as I can. This is my future and this is my partner. When we’re strong together, we’re going to be able to change lives all over the world. It’s about these investments. As I’ve gotten older, you always think about your financial situation. It’s always what you think is your biggest commodity or your talent. Your time is your biggest commodity that you have and how you choose to use it. A thing where I’ve been focusing on is how I use my time and who I give it to. The sad part is when you start to be honest with yourself and make some choices, some relationships don’t make it. They don’t get to come with you.

It’s much harder to say no, but it’s more important to say no than yes because saying no allows you to say a powerful yes always. How often do you find yourself overextended or overinvested in others? I’ve been thinking about it for myself because sometimes, part of it is being single. There isn’t someone that’s readily, always a voice in your life, but a lot of it is the nature of a heart that you want to serve and care for others. You’re going to probably air on overdoing it then underdoing it. How often do you find yourself in a place where you’re like, “I’m spent. I’m not giving everyone.” How much do you want to give them in that sense of your energy?

It’s too often. When you get your heart to that place where you know you’re ready to give love, but you don’t have that person in your life to give that, too, that way, you’re like, “I want to pour it out to whoever I can.” When you feel all that love that God has given you and that constant gratitude, you want to give it back because you notice there are many people that don’t have it. You want to give as often as you can. I get a little too prideful like, “I’m sure I can handle it, so I’m going to give it to you because you don’t seem like you can’t handle it.” Taking on too much has been a thing that I’ve done and I haven’t noticed it until my lady.

My mom has done a great job of pointing it out to me, too, like, “Joshua, you don’t need to do that today.” I’d be like, “No, I just worked a 12-hour shift and I need to go show up for these boys and drive all the way across town.” She’s like, “Someone else can do it today. It doesn’t have to be you all the time.” There’s part of that where we almost turn ourselves into a martyr or we have this hero complex. That’s where you have to check yourself with God because God is like, “I want you to do these things, but it’s not all for you to do. You’re not me.” Don’t think that you have as much power as you think you do because if you are drained, you need to get from a place of abundance, not scarcity.

Getting to that stage and recognizing it. If I’m honest about it, I’ve only started to recognize that I was probably doing it like 85% of the time. Now, I’ll say it’s down to 65% of the time, but my goal is to find that sweet spot of balance where you’re giving what you can and then when you can’t, you don’t feel guilty about it. You know that you have these other people that need it and I need to give it to myself more as well.

One time, I had the mini epiphany, as I was driving back from the gym with my roommate, of connecting the dots. I was like, “I’m frustrated with how little I’ve been able to give people because of how overextended I was. I wasn’t showing up how I wanted to for others.” I was upset with myself. I was singing about an epiphany and he was like, “Thane, it’s pride. You’re being prideful of one, wanting to feel valued in that, but two, thinking that you’re important.” I was like, “No, I’m not that important. I can do it without me.” Say no when you need to otherwise, you’re going to be in this place all the time and that’s not good for you or anyone else. It is having that hero God complex that we have to fight, especially with a man a lot of times.

It always comes from a good place. Like everything else that we’re given, it can easily with our humanity get turned into something darker because that’s what we do. We take these blessings and we’re like, “I’m going to drive it into the ground.”

I love the reality that on a pendulum, you spend the least amount of time in the middle. You said that you didn’t believe in soulmates initially, and honestly, I would categorize myself as probably not believing it. I want to know how your mind has changed and why.

I was always a hopeless romantic growing up. My mom and I would watch romantic comedies like Casablanca and Gone with the Wind and all these classic films. I loved that idea and I was always saying that I was a chubby kid that didn’t get a lot of attention. I have crushes on girls and create these scenarios in my mind of these romantic things that I would want to do and never do. When I came out here to LA, I had this girl that I knew from high school. We were friends and she was the only person I knew out here. I was like, “I’m coming out.” I knew her boyfriend and I had set them up in high school. She was finishing college at USC and we became buddies. We started a relationship, but part of me was always like, “I love you and I care about you, but I don’t know if we should date.” I was keeping it and I would never fully commit to us being together.

I remember one day, I was working as a server at Hillstone in Santa Monica. I remember it vividly, rolling up that day before pre-shift where you have a meeting and they tell you the specials and all that. I’m putting my apron on, I see this girl and I stopped dead in my tracks. I look at her, looked around and I’m like, “Did God just put my dream girl right in front of me right now?” She looks like a vision of my dream woman. I don’t even know what to say. At that moment, I was like, “What is happening?” I had a crush on her and I didn’t realize that she was working with me.

UAC 108 | Finding Your Soul-Mate

Finding Your Soul-Mate: Humanity can turn anything that we’re given into something dark and drive it to the ground.

 

We vibe a little bit and eventually, I work up the courage to ask her out and we go first to grab lunch. I remember on that date, we talked about our faith and she also loves Jesus. She had similar faith that I do and I found out that she was half-black, half-white like I was, which had always been a dream of mine. I didn’t meet a lot of people like that in Arizona, which is white in Scottsdale especially. It was refreshing. I remember sitting there at that moment on this date and being like, “She’s all the things and I don’t know if I’m ready for that.” We went on our second date and I remember sitting at customers. They bring the check and I go to pay and I was like, “Are you going to kiss her now?”

I remember we went out to the Valley, we’re waiting for a car and I’m holding her from behind. The guy comes up to bring her car first and I remember telling myself, “If you kiss her, you guys are going to be together. You’re going to date and your life is going to change in a way.” I was afraid of it. I also had this girl who I had this gray area relationship with. To be honest, we were doing friends with benefits, so that definitely clouded my judgment. I knew that she cared about me and wanted to be in a relationship with me, so I ended up not kissing her. After that date, we started moving apart from each other and we didn’t communicate too much. I did end up dating that girl for the next 7.5 or 8 years off and on.

I thought she was my soulmate because I wasn’t expecting it to be her, but we bonded over this friendship and we went through many intense things together. It was such a hard relationship though. We were constantly fighting and the faith thing wasn’t there for her. That was definitely a struggle. I definitely didn’t act the right way trying to get her to come along, but we definitely helped each other grow a lot. By the time that relationship ended, I was like, “I don’t know what I’m talking about. I don’t think that exists at all. There are many people on this planet. There’s no way that there’s one person for you.”

Throughout that entire 7 to 8-year relationship, I thought about the first girl, Cherio, a lot. There were times it would come up and I’d be like, “Did I mess up? Did I blow something there?” That was always on my mind and it never went away. Once Facebook came out, I would keep tabs and we would say hi to each other, message each other and check-in. I always say, “We should meet up,” and we never did. In 2017, I was working for BuzzFeed and I was doing this video. I knew I needed and wanted to have a girl do this thing with me. We were training to shoot guns like John Wick. Keanu Reeves and I went to the same trainer that he did in Chatsworth.

I hit her up because one, it was like, “I don’t know what her deal is, but she’d be great for this. Who knows?” I could say, “No, it’s a work-related thing. It’s not a date.” We go and do the shoot and because I was producing it and in it, and had to learn how to do all these things, we didn’t get a chance to catch up during this time. After that, we didn’t talk for a couple of months and I started seeing this sweet girl, but I knew early on that she wasn’t going to be it. After my big breakup, I was trying to convince myself that I was capable of being in a relationship again because I wasn’t sure for a while. There was part of me after that relationship ended that was like, “Maybe I’m just the uncle. Maybe I’m a good uncle. I use my time and my energy to be a great mentor and I get to help people. I get to travel the world and do things. Maybe that’s what my calling is. Maybe I’m not meant to be married and have a family.”

Cherio and I ended up, while I was still seeing this other girl, even though I knew I was going to end it probably soon. We go and meet up to have dinner to finally catch up after all these years because the first time I had seen her in eleven years was in person, face-to-face when we did the video together. We were busy on set and we didn’t get to interact. We meet up for dinner and within the first half-hour, it was a lecture and we both said at a certain point like, “Are you my soulmate? Because this is crazy.” She would finish my sentences and I can have conversations with her about faith, things that happen in life, seeing Jesus and God moving in these things in ways that I haven’t been able to have with many people. The attraction, laughing and all of it were there.

I was like, “I don’t know.” I was asking friends and I was praying about it because I was like, “I did like this girl that I was seeing for a while, but part of me was like, ‘Do I want to build something with her? Am I sabotaging this relationship?’” Even going to have dinner with Cherio is sabotaging this thing because I know it’s a good thing. I ended up hitting up Cherio. We’d go to meet up for dinner again and I was like, “I’m not ready to do something to date you. I know you are that woman that you might be gone by the time I’m ready, but I can’t do it now because I know in my heart I’m not there.” I did that and then I sent this text. It was supposed to be for the other girl and then I accidentally sent it to Cherio. I did like I never do, I texted her back right away and I’m like, “Sorry. That wasn’t meant for you. That was meant for my cousin.” I lied like an ass.

I don’t do that in those moments. I keep my character with women. When I was bartending, I saw the way that the dating scene plays itself out in LA and how guys use women and make them feel terrible about themselves. I was like, “I’m not going to contribute to that,” but I made this total douche move in that moment. That made her angry with me and it made her doubt herself, as I learned later when we did get together. She thought after that dinner, the same way I did like, “Is this person a thing?” Because we went on two dates, we never kissed and we still felt this thing. We come back all this time later and there’s this spark.

Right after that, I broke up with the girl that I’ve seen because I knew that wasn’t it. I remember telling myself, “You aren’t ready for a relationship and you don’t know what you’re doing. You don’t know what you want. Figure your stuff out and go get your career where you want it to be and then it’ll work itself out.” I called Cherio a few months later and we talked, but I could tell she was not going to give me a whole lot of time or energy rightfully so. I was like, “Move on,” and I went about like building my career. We met again because we both knew we were in each other’s eyes for a reason. We weren’t sure if it was meant to help each other in some way or be a blessing in some way.

I remember we had dinner and I had come off of a long day of shooting. I drove straight from the set, 35 minutes to come to meet her. I was tired, but she was cold to me and I was like, “She’s not having this at all.” I remember when I tried to pay for the check and she’s like, “You don’t have to do that.” She stopped me and I was like, “No, I got mine.” At the same time, she spoke encouragement to me because she could tell I was tired. She gave me this great meditation like binaural beats to listen to. We listened to those consistently after she gave them to me.

I left that feeling of like, “She is over me in that way.” That’s not true. I didn’t get the sense that I would never have a shot with her, but I was like, “I need to know what I want and I need to pursue her the right way, but I wasn’t ready to do that.” On New Year’s Day, I did this post about like, “This is what this year is going to be like. I’m setting my intention for the year.” Like how everybody does on Instagram type thing. She said, “I’m going to get this wrong baby. You don’t get mad at me.” I’d get it wrong every time, but she said, “Let me find out,” with a winky smiley face.

I was like, “Are you flirting with me right now? Is that happening?” I texted her and I was like, “What’s up? How are you doing? Happy New Year. We still got to catch up again.” At this point, I had been praying to God like, “I feel like my heart is ready for me to find my woman.” I’d been talking to my mom and my brother about it. I’m feeling in love with myself through God and the lens that he was giving me felt so much love within myself. I knew that I was ready to step into a relationship. When we finally got to meet up, neither of us had this intention of this being a date at all. It was just a meetup, check-in and see how we’re doing. As soon as I got there and she got herself a margarita but didn’t get one for each of us. I was like, “This is once again. This is where we are.” I got myself a margarita, I sat down and we’re talking.

You need to give from a place of abundance, not scarcity. Click To Tweet

Immediately, she slides the centerpiece on the table to the side and she’s like, “Can we be real for a second? Can we just be friends and be good friends with each other? Because we both have the same values. We’re both in the same industry and can talk honestly. Let’s get to that place where we can be real with each other and be good friends.” She always makes fun of me and I was like, “Isn’t that what we were doing anyway?” She’s like, “Yeah, but sometimes, you need to say it.” I’m like, “Cool.” At that point, it made it easy for us to open up and talk to each other. We were sharing everything and laughing and being silly.

We went from that place to a different spot. We sat down and got another margarita. There might’ve been a little buzz there, but we ordered some food and we start sitting down. I’m talking about all the mentoring that I’ve been doing and she’s asking me, “Why is that important?” I told her about my cousins and my family. Maybe I told her about, “I wish that I had some positive male role model that spoke confidence into me at a younger age. I would have done wonders for me.” She starts to tell me and she starts to get choked up and teared up. I could see it and I’m like, “What’s going on?” She’s like, “I had this dream about you ten years ago.” I was like, “You had a dream about me?” She’s like, “I’ve had dreams about you throughout the past thirteen years randomly when we hadn’t seen each other.”

In 2009, we hadn’t spoken and seen each other. She has this dream and she got tears coming down her face. At first, she wouldn’t tell me and she didn’t want to say it out loud. I was like, “Tell me.” I grabbed her hand and I was close now at this point. She’s telling me about this dream of me standing on top of a roof of a building looking distraught like I was going to kill myself. She was screaming out to me and I can hear her, but I ended up jumping. She wakes up sad and crying. We weren’t in each other’s lives at this point. She told me this and at this moment, it was like God said to me, “This woman has been thinking about me in her soul for this entire thirteen years, the same way that I’ve been thinking about her.”

I grabbed her face and kissed her. It was the first time in thirteen years. Our lips were held to each other and I held her face as I felt the tears streamed down her face. It sent shockwaves through both of those and I’ve never felt anything like it before. Immediately after we go outside, she’s like, “I’m finishing school and I don’t need a relationship. I am happy by myself.” She was telling me like, “I don’t need this. You don’t need to be doing this. I don’t need you trying to make me feel good,” or, “If you’re trying to get something out of this, I’ve been celibate for three years. If you think this is some BS, it’s not.” Hearing that after my big relationship, I was like, “That would have been cool. You gave me an out for me to not have to step up and have a full character in this,” and I didn’t.

I looked at her and I said, “All I’m going to do is continue to take steps towards connecting with you and that’s it. I’m not going to try to date you. I want to keep connecting with you,” and I couldn’t from that point on. A few days later, I remember being like, “Should I hit her up again? No, because if we hang out two weeks in a row, then it’s almost like we’re dating. Don’t do that,” and I did it anyway. I was like, “What are you doing? Let me see what this is.” I love it though because I had told some friends before I went to meet up with her that night that I was going to do that. A couple of my friends were like, “What’s the deal with this girl?” I’m like, “It’s not a big deal. We went on a couple of dates thirteen years ago, and I always thought she might be something special, but that’s not what it is.”

Those friends I had told that texted me the next day on a Saturday, “How’d it go?” I’m like, “It was more than I thought it would be. She’s a game-changer type of person. I don’t know if that means we’re supposed to be together, but we’ll see.” I told my mom and I was like, “Mom, surprisingly, it was different. I wasn’t expecting it to be the way it was.” She’s like, “You were. You’ve been talking about this for a while. You were going there to try to find something out and that’s what you did.” I was like, “Whatever, mom.” Even though she knows me way too well that it’s frustrating. Going into the second date, I was still like, “Let me see if there’s something here.” You can get caught up and we had a couple of margaritas. She comes in, sits down and we’re talking. I can’t remember what prompted her to do it and it might’ve even been unprompted, but she’s like, “That’s who you are. You’re like such a powerful man.”

She was saying things to me that I thought was true from God had given me. She was confirming things on our second date. She’s telling me a story about something that she’s passionate about, which is screenwriting and she’s telling me about the script. I’m sitting there listening to her tell a story about something cool that she found out at work. As I’m watching her tell this story, things slowed down and I was like, “This might be the thing.” We finished dinner, we walked around the sidewalk because I’m going to walk her to her car. We’re at a stoplight and I hug her and I said, “I’m not going to lie. I don’t know what’s going on, but I know that I can’t stop moving towards you.” She said, “I know what you mean because I had been praying that God would make you go away.” I’m like, “What? For real?” She’s like, “I prayed that God would take you and go away because I didn’t know if you were serious. I didn’t know if this was serious. I’m in my last semester to get my Master’s from UCLA. I’m crazy busy and it’s stressful. I don’t need anything extra right now and I definitely don’t want to try to start to build a relationship. I definitely don’t want to potentially fall for somebody that is going to maybe not be there.”

As soon as she said that, I was like, “I knew this is what it’s supposed to be.” Before our third day, a week goes by and that was on a Friday. We had made plans to hang out that following Saturday and we were definitely getting both close to owning that this was where we wanted to be. I went to this friend’s birthday party though and there was this girl there who I had flirted with. I may be kissed one time on a date, but we never fully went there, but she offered me a guilt-free sexual relationship. At that moment, I was like, “That’s not something I’m proud of, but I had done that in the past. I knew that it wasn’t the person I was trying to be. I personally had been celibate for over a year.” It was a thing that at the moment, I was like, “Interesting.”

That moment I left the party, I had this realization like, “The enemies tend to me right now.” He’s trying to throw me off or maybe God has put it in front of me to show me like, “Are you there? Because if you are, make your move.” Immediately, I felt empowered and emboldened to say, “No. I’m not doing that.” I texted Cherio right away and I started texting her all the way walking home. It was a 20-minute walk. I got home and we’re still texting. I eventually am like, “I feel like this is it and I’m ready. It’s our third date. I don’t care. I’m in my late 30s and you’re in your mid-30s. I’m not messing around anymore. You are my queen.” I’m sitting there and waiting like, “Should I have done that?” A minute later, she texted back, “You are my king,” and that was everything.

That’s from my side. The cool thing was hearing from her side on our second date, she was like, “God, he’s here. If he’s for me, he needs to pursue me. It can’t be any half-assed chasing.” I texted her two seconds after she finished that prayer to the point that she was like, “Is there a microphone in here?” We have seen God’s hands all through this and the fact that she is physically what I pictured and what I’ve wanted since I was a little kid. The fact our faith aligns in ways that we both live lives that are not fully worldly lives. We’ve made mistakes in relationships and we’ve pursued things that we shouldn’t have, but our faith never wavered.

Our relationship with Jesus is always strong and we both have that mixed identity that you can only relate to somebody that’s mixed at the end of the day because nobody gets what it’s like to truly be both. You have to feel like you’re neither from both sides at the same time. As we kept growing and continue to grow, even to this day, we feel God in us and through us. This relationship would not have happened if God wasn’t a part of it and if God didn’t orchestrate it. That’s why I believe in soulmates, not because I’m like some fairy tale. God has shown me the evidence. My brother and his wife and my cousin and his wife, I know that all my other friends have their marriages that I don’t know if they didn’t have a similar story to ours. I don’t know what that looks like for them. You can have a beautiful, awesome relationship and a partner for life. I don’t know that everybody has a soulmate that they marry and have a great life. I don’t know how that all works. If there is such a thing as a soulmate, this is it. This story is evidence to me.

We’ll circle back to this identity piece because you’re right. We had a friend of mine, Natasha Ward and she’s also mixed. She talked a lot about that struggle not being in on either side. What I love about that whole story is that when you hear someone say, “I believe in soulmates. I found my soulmate,” we assume like it’s a magical thing that happens instantly. No. Nothing is instant or magical.

UAC 108 | Finding Your Soul-Mate

Finding Your Soul-Mate: Women have a lot to teach us and the idea that we put them in this specific category and box is one of the reasons why we have toxic masculinity.

 

We both looked at each other and we’re like, “Is this person something?” We both knew then, but we weren’t ready for it. That reminds me of the difference between anointing and appointing.

It’s always a long process and that was a beautiful story. The timing of this is interesting. One time, I was hanging out with my sister and her husband and some of our friends. The question came up on the guys’ side about the difference between a date and a hangout versus a hangout. The girls we’re all talking about why do guys always want to go hang out with them rather than saying, “Do you want to go on a date with me?” It makes more sense from the guy’s perspective. To us, it’s like, “We’re not sure yet. We don’t want to be too committed. We don’t leave them on. We don’t want it to be more than it is.” What is your perspective on why guys are more erring on the hangout versus the date? What’s good or bad about that?

It’s always a good thing. I lost my virginity when I was nineteen and I had been planning on waiting until I was married. This is definitely not my older brother’s fault, but because we were in this pack together, he deviated from his faith for a number of years. It almost made me be like, “I don’t even know what I believe now.” I went through my whole phase in my early twenties of sleeping with women and it definitely left me feeling empty. I remember that. When I started dating the girl that, instead of Cherio, it’s how it worked out. At that time that I dated for 7 or 8 years, there was a big chunk of that were we weren’t sleeping together. Once we were together, I was like, “We’re going to get married, so we’ll have sex for the rest of our lives. Let’s not do that now.”

We broke up for a couple of years. Even during that time, I didn’t see anyone, so I was celibate for six years in my twenties. At that time, I got to become friends with women and see women in a different way. I was never approaching any relationship in terms of the physical bust. It was only about, “Let’s find out if we’re friends and if we have a connection.” Taking that into dating, that was always my intention with anybody I want a date with. I was like, “Even if I’m attracted to you and I hope that it turns romantic, we might be meant to be good friends. Let’s start with the hang and let’s see how we vibe. If I feel like there’s a romantic connection, then I’m going to take you out to dinner. I’m going to do it at night.” I try to do the first date as something that feels like a hangout in the daytime where you can connect and feel free to be. There’s not as much pressure. Doing a date atmosphere feels like there’s a little bit more pressure on both sides, definitely for men. It’s not an out to not want to date the person, it’s a way for me to alleviate pressure on both sides to be like, “Let’s go hang out and build a friendship first.”

It is a loving thing, especially for women who are awesome. There’s a lot of amazing women out there that I would love to be friends with, especially if it’s not going to be someone that I pursue to get married with. Unfortunately, I’ve done the opposite where you switch it and then the friendships gone. That’s tough. Those are the things and those lessons are the reasons why I’m cautious about that. It’s good for guys to be more cautious upfront so that you don’t make those errors that hurt you and the other person and lead to a broken, no chance of friendship ever. That’s harmful.

There’s a lot of wisdom to that. I tell my friends who are a little bit younger than me now trying to date, and they feel like they’re ready to do it. They’ve had struggles and they’d been on the dating apps and all that. I’m like, “Take the pressure off yourself. Go into every first date, as this is somebody potentially to be a friend,” because you might be into her and you were like, “I hope that she likes me.” She might not like you that way, but she might be somebody that can give you something or you can give something in a beautiful way. If he’s only thinking of them as like, “If you put these women in a category of you can be a mate or nothing else, instead of you might meet your mate through her if it’s not her. Maybe it’s her friend, her sister or her cousin that ends up being somebody that you vibe with.”

I got that I ideology from being an actor of going to audition where it’s not about booking that role, it’s about booking the room. You want that casting director to want to bring you in for other stuff. It might not be that role, but it could be a different role down the line that you got through making a connection with that casting director. That’s the way I tried to look at and I try to tell my friends, “Go make friends with women and get to a place where you know how to do that well. When you’re ready to date, you’re going to know it, you’re going to feel it, and it’s going to work. You’ll have a better understanding of how to talk to women and understanding women’s needs.”

I love some of my amazing friends who are girls. It’s the best. It’s such a beautiful thing to have. Platonic relationships with them are the best. It is helpful, especially if you’re a single guy. That’s such a gift because we need some evening out. We need some balancing out God’s given to the other side of the equation and you can get that in a platonic relationship.

One of the biggest issues of it is we see women as these objects like, “You will be my mate, my woman, my sidepiece, and the woman on my arm. You’ll be the mother of my children.” Women that aren’t that can also be your good friend. They can be your confidants, mentors, and advisers. Women have a lot to teach us and that idea that we put them in this specific category and box is one of the reasons why we have toxic masculinity. If men took more time to build friendships with women and to sit and listen to women, that’s the biggest issue is. Men don’t listen to women. Mansplaining is real and I don’t realize it, but I definitely do that. It’s terrible. I do that with men, too. I over mansplaining everybody.

In my experience in high school, I developed a poor view of women and a lot of it was informed by actions, friends, but also by rap music, which I listen to a lot. My subconscious was filled with the idea that women were a game that we played and things to be used. That was what I believed, whether or not I was conscious of it. That was my subconscious belief. Before we get to that, word-on-the-street is you’re an amazing rapper. Where did that come from?

When did 8 Mile come out, 2001 maybe?

It was near 2000.

At the root of toxic masculinity is fear and power. Fear of your power as a man being taken away. Click To Tweet

I liked rap. I didn’t listen to rap until the late 2000s and I still didn’t like it that much because it was too graphic, violent, and too not me in many ways. Once it started getting more popular like how in 2001 it came out. That movie rap battle watching the artistry of him crafting the lines and doing things like that got it. I got excited about it and then in my freshman year or second year of college when I moved in with my roommates who were white dudes, but hip-hop heads. We were listening to all these great lyricists and I loved it. I remember I had a buddy that lived next door and he was a singer-songwriter guy. He had this melody on his guitar and I wrote the lyrics for it.

I was always a writer as a kid. I wrote a bunch of stories, but eventually, I started trying to see if I could do it. I was always good with words and then I wrote one little rap verse and I was like, “That’s cool.” I wrote another one and then I finally did it for some friends. They were like, “That’s dope.” I was like, “Yeah.” After that, nothing happened for a lot of years and then I stopped writing a rap. Every now and then, I would freestyle inside my own head. It wasn’t until maybe 2013, I moved in with a roommate who had a little studio downstairs. I would go down there and record every now and then or he would put on a beat and I would mess around with it. I started taking a little bit more seriously. I never still haven’t pursued and I haven’t put out an album or anything, but I write a good amount. I know that I’m good at it, but I don’t know that there’s a career for me there.

When’s that EP dropping?

It’s funny because I’ve been talking about it for many years. I’m like, “I’ll do something fun like a little four-track EP or something.” I haven’t gotten around to it, but I want to still to this day.

Are there any plays that we can find some Joshua Davis?

That’s the thing. I haven’t put it out. I have some stuff recorded and I’ve played it for some people. It hasn’t been good enough for me to want to put it out there.

Let’s circle back to toxic masculinity. This is something that we’ve talked about a good bit and I’ve been talking about with a lot of people. There’s this need in America and in society for a revival and a movement around healthy, godly masculinity, and what this looks like. In your perspective, what do you see as the core needs of this issue? What is the problem to be solved? What does the solution look like?

The problem is at the root of toxic masculinity is fear and power. It’s a fear of your power and strength as a man being taken away. I also think it’s a false identity of what actual strength is and even the narrative around Adam and Eve is bad. I love pastor Erwin McManus from Mosaic and the way he talks about it. He’s like, “Eve gets this trap. She’s the one that gave Adam the apple. She’s the one that caused all this.” Women’s suffering is fate because the first woman messed it up. Sorry ladies. You’re dealing with that. That’s why you get your childbirth and get your periods.

He was like, “Adam wasn’t any better at that moment. Adam deferred all responsibility to her.” If we’re supposed to be the leaders, we failed at the beginning as well because Adam should have been like, “Let’s not eat that. Don’t do that.” Instead, he showed no character advocated responsibility on Eve. I see the root of us not taking responsibility for a lot of our own issues and then blaming women for them in a lot of ways. I also do believe that it’s about us not embracing our feminine. God is both masculine and feminine because He created both.

I believe that women are the most beautiful creatures on the planet because they have this ability to tap into both the masculine and feminine in ways that men don’t. We have that ability, we just don’t access it. Women are feminine, but they can carry that masculinity as well and they don’t feel some way about it. Where it’s us that have this issue about, we can’t be a feminist. A real man to me is somebody who is fully tapped into his feminine side and that doesn’t mean dresses in drag or puts on makeup. That’s not what it’s about. It’s about what makes a woman fully a woman, what makes a man fully a man, and recognizing that we make each other.

We can’t be fully a man without the woman being fully a part of us. She was made from us, so she can’t be her without me and I can’t be me without her. At some point, throughout history, men wanting power decided to write the story and put them below us and then that’s gotten carried forward. It’s happened through every culture on the planet, not just white Europe, British, Christian culture, but it happens in Africa, the Middle East, and everywhere. It’s a sad thing when you think about it. In our society and culture, it’s both an ugly and a beautiful thing that’s happening.

Feminism is a wonderful movement, but it’s also a reaction, so it’s not fully fleshed out the right way. Whereas, I’ve talked to women who are feminists that hate men and hate anything masculine. That’s not healthy and that’s not balanced. There’s also a feminist that loves men and wants men to be fully themselves. They want you to let us be fully ourselves as women and that’s where I see the healthy part. The loudest ones are usually the ones that are selling it wrong the same way with masculinity. You can definitely feel a shift in the culture. Did you see that Gillette commercial?

UAC 108 | Finding Your Soul-Mate

Finding Your Soul-Mate: God is obviously both masculine and feminine because he created both.

 

I heard some talk about it, but I can’t remember what it was.

It got pulled quickly. I saw it and these different scenarios where toxic masculinity had been an issue. Somebody’s stepping in and removing it. Some kid was getting bullied and a father pulling the guys away like, “Don’t do that.” A guy’s hitting on the girl and the guy was like, “Stop doing that.” All these moments that we’ve made our women feel terrible about and showing like, “What if we did this instead?” It got ripped apart on Twitter and everywhere else, so they pulled it. The thing that bothered me the most was that I saw a lot of women tear it apart. As a man, I was like, “You guys are dumb like you guys. Do you think that’s a good idea?” The women that do it, I’m like, “Even there?”

We’ve all been conditioned to believe certain things about what a man is. I do have an instinct to when I get angry or when I feel some way about somebody to want to get physical or want to take it to violence. That’s not healthy. There’s no way that’s healthy. I’ve been conditioned and that’s in me now. I have to fight those urges and try to tap into my higher self to not do that because that’s not the best reaction. Some of that comes from hip hop, but the culture that we created as a country, especially from a racial perspective and the way that the media has been portraying, African-Americans and black people in the media from the time of slavery on created that idea that got into our heads. It led to the inner cities, ghettos and the streets. When you started hearing from hip hop from that, sure. I said the same thing like, “Hip-hop and MTV were devastating to me in terms of the way I viewed women and my toxic masculinity.” That started way before with white supremacy and that started way before that from Romania.

This is a timeless issue. It is not a modern-day construct. That’s a reality.

Everything feels bad. Everybody’s angry. Everybody’s out, but we weren’t talking about any of this before. We’re talking about it now. When you turn on the lights and all, you see all the cockroaches and it’s dirty and you’re like, “It’s such a mess.” Now, you know that the mess is there. We probably knew, but we were convincing ourselves that it wasn’t there, so now, we’re doing the work. We’re going through growing pains. As long as we look at it that way, I don’t think anybody needs to feel too down about it, but it’s a long journey to get there. I don’t know the solution, but we have to start young.

You make a great point because one of the things I love about where I’m at in life is that I consume little social media and media. I produce on social media, but I don’t consume a lot. I don’t look at the news and I do nothing. In day-to-day life, I am optimistic because the people I see and interact with, there is a positive impact and change happening. You go online and none of that’s visible because what’s newsworthy? Always the negative. We have to start being more conscious of what we’re consuming, which fuels and informs our perception and dictates a lot of our thoughts, feelings, and actions at the moment. If you want them to be helpful in a hurtful, be conscious about where you consuming because that’s going to be a large determining factor in that. That is important.

There are two core needs. David Deida’s book, The Way of the Superior Man, he’s not a Christian spiritual guy, but I found this helpful. He broke down the discourse over masculine and feminine energy, how the polarity, how they mix and how it’s beneficial for both. He pointed out the core need for men, in his opinion, was to have a higher calling or purpose that they pursue undistracted and unwaveringly. For the women, it was a need to be unconditionally loved. This interplay between the two, he pointed out that sometimes a woman will tempt the man on their pursuit of that higher vision or calling in the hopes that if he overcomes a temptation, she feels more loved in that. It’s an interesting interplay.

There’s a whole other layer of energy and it’s a complex thing, so take it for what it’s worth. The point is that understanding that men are the bane of our masculinity that we saw at the beginning with Adam, with Abraham, and every biblical character there is, except for Jesus. Passivity is the bane of our existence. When Adam was passive, what happens? “I’m not going to take the lead.” “Sure. Let’s do this.” Sarah comes to Abraham like, “We’re not having a child. God said this. I don’t believe him. Take my mate.” It’s not being committed to what your culture know is right. It’s not being a man of character and integrity at that moment. How do we hold the line? How would it be committed and convictional men?

The cool thing about the Bible, too. We’ve talked about this in our United group. We have a young adult group called United and we had a night where we talked about this. We split the guys and girls that came back together and we realized that God gave men a literal example of what a godly man is, which is Jesus. There can’t be clearer than that. Lay your life down for other servant leadership and a man of character. That’s the clearest example ever. The women don’t have that probably because they don’t need it as much as men do. We need that clear example. The other aspect of it is maybe they’re more equipped and it’s more natural for them to fall into that role, especially in tandem with men in the healthy masculinity. It’s fascinating.

We have to be able to tap into all of those things of how do you get it to men because there are many men. I do believe that these older generations that are aging out now and the younger generations, the kids coming up behind us, even our generation is open to these changes and embracing new ideas. I don’t know what it looks like. It’s a matter of getting men and women together and having conversations together. Having men groups is a great thing. You definitely need to have men helping each other walkthrough, how to have character, and how to be intentional. Too many times, you’ve got a room full of men deciding what women need and there’s not a woman’s voice in there the same way. You’ve got too many white people deciding what black people need. We need to invite and be asking questions and not coming up with answers.

It’s true on low levels, but the obvious thing is that isolation always leads to downfall. You have to do it with others, period. That’s a non-negotiable, especially men. Men tend to isolate themselves way more than women do naturally. Look at David. His downfall was isolation and he’s like, “I’m going to stay home. You guys go do your thing and then I’m going to mess around and get myself in trouble.” Isolation is the downfall a lot of times, so we need that man-on-man community, but we also need that feminine infusion to help us as much as they need the masculine infusion to help them. It goes and flows both ways. It does take a patient process of bringing into the fold. That’s why I’ve been thinking about it.

There’s a spectrum of healthy to unhealthy meals and the root of every problem in our society is a result of unhealthy men. How do we get people that are on the fence? The people that are in the middle could go either way. How do we get them in the fold? How do we get them in the fold of healthy men in a thriving community and moving in that direction? How do we get them to invite the people in their community that is on the fence into the fold? It’s this process of growing the flock in that sense. It’s always going to be a slow, long process, but it’s possible. The biggest thing is to believe it’s possible and important enough to do something about it and lean in.

Auditions are not about booking the role, it’s about booking the room. Click To Tweet

That ability to not make people feel judged or make them feel challenged in a way that is healthy and not in a way that is making them feel bad for not being there yet. It’s like, “I’m not going to condemn you for having me felt a certain way.” Also, letting them know that a lot of this isn’t your fault. Your father, your grandfather, and you were all born into a world where we were taught certain things and we heard certain things, certain TV shows. Everything that we’ve consumed, seen, and heard has been telling us this narrative that we are better, we are empowered and women are this. It’s like, “It’s not your fault, but it’s definitely your choice. Here are some conversations we can start having. Here are some things we can start looking into. Here are some ways we could start looking at certain things, removing certain media, and remove certain music.” I love hip hop. I love rap. I rap myself, but I’ve had to start deleting songs from my library that I recognized that has given me such a negative look on women. Do you know the song, Ain’t No Fun?

Yeah.

I was listening to that with my girl the other day because we were listening to the old radio and we both love it because it was a song from where we were young. I was like, “This song is bad with what they’re saying. It’s degrading to women.” This is a song that most women turn on and they have fun listening to. We’re all part of the problem and that means that we can all be a part of this solution.

The other example that comes to mind is Jesus with Peter. Peter talks about failing by passivity, denying three times like, “No.” Right after Jesus told him he was going to. What did Jesus do? He didn’t throw it in his face. He came back and reinstated them. He’s like, “Peter, do you love me?” Three times and built him up through that and then told him he’s not going to fail the next time through telling about his death. That’s a picture of what it means. That’s Jesus shown us right there. It’s never about condemning. It’s about, “We did this. We acted this way. We failed in this way. Cool. Let’s learn from it.” What does it look like to grow? What does it look like to be different? What does it look like to be the man that you want to be or you’re called to be? We need that empowering narrative.

We need grace because what that Gillette commercial made people feel condemned and the message was good, but the process and delivery weren’t there. If you’re making people feel condemned or bad for who they are, bad for things that they’ve done, then they’re going to automatically get defensive. It’s a matter of approaching this conversation no matter what, with the grace of saying, “We’re not condemning you. We’re not saying you’re a bad person. We’re not saying any of this. We’re saying that you recognize that it can be better.” If you can at least say out loud, “It can be better. I can be better,” then we can have a conversation. I’m not trying to condemn anybody for anything they’ve done. I don’t want to be condemned for anything I’ve done. The way we always have to approach it is by meeting people where they are and remind them it’s about moving forward. It’s not about anything that happened before.

It’s the whole message of the gospel in that sense, too. That’s God’s way of His grace. It reminds me of Galatians because we’ve been going through that, too, and how Galatians is all about. You guys are trying to go back to the law. You’re trying to go back to the system of the Old Covenant where it was based on works and you should’ve learned back then that you can’t do anything when it’s based on that. You’re going back to this lesser way when the New Covenant, the way that’s better God’s way of saying, “It’s nothing you can earn. It’s only a gift you can receive.” Once we receive it, then we can start earning the right thing. We may have a lot to have around to about this topic.

It’s such a big topic and I would love to even have a psychologist or somebody that can tap into those things because I catch myself on a regular basis. Cherio, my lady, will catch me on things and she knows my heart. She knows my character and she knows I’m towards the spectrum of not being toxic, but I still have reactions.

There is a level of animalistic nature. We have that emotional impulse that can be a hierarchy of the animal kingdom. That’s how it works. Whoever’s the most powerful, they win. Most of the world, other than more advanced human beings, if we remain in those lower levels of emotional response, then we can default to that all the time. That’s how it plays out.

Reacting is our basis cells. If we’re acting like the animal kingdom and comparing ourselves to that, we weren’t created to have that. Animals don’t have imaginations. We create the world around us, so we can create a better world than this.

I want to go into creating because we’re going to get to what you do. What does your current life and work look like?

I’m an actor, producer and director. I do a little bit of everything that taps into that. I’ve got my manager and I’ll go on auditions. I have a couple of shows that I’m trying to sell that I’m producing and creating those. I used to work at BuzzFeed and I still do some freelance stuff with them, but it was producing, directing and creating for them. I know how to edit and I know how to do that. I’m going to go home after this and edit a project that I’m working on for the freelance gig. I have a pitch meeting for a couple of series that I have. I have to go and update my headshots online from my manager. It’s like a little bit of everything and that was hard for me because when I first moved here, people were like, “You need to say you’re one thing only. If you’re an actor, say you’re an actor. If you’re a director, say you’re a director. You can’t be an actor and director. You can’t be both.” I was like, “Okay.”

For the first few years, I was a director and I’m pursuing that and I did that thing. I remember this short film that I made and some of the feedback I got was like, “You were good in that as an actor.” I was like, “Let me pursue that a little bit more.” For a number of years, I was like, “I’m going to pursue acting,” and I threw myself into it. I did some plays and booked some TV shows and a couple of indie movies. I love it and I still love it, but I’m like, “That’s not all I am because I can do so much more.” Maybe it’s hurt me that I’m such a jack of all trades, but I know that for my big-picture goals, I want to be able to be doing all of it.

UAC 108 | Finding Your Soul-Mate

Finding Your Soul-Mate: Meet people where they currently are. Remind people that it’s about moving forward, not about anything that happened before.

 

It’s always a toss-up between a generalist versus a specialist. I’m in the same boat, a lot of hats, moving pieces and spinning plates. What do you see as the tradeoffs of that? How do you see those trade-offs from your perspective?

I always go back to the tagline for Forrest Gump. If I remember it correctly, it was something like, “He wasn’t good at any one thing, but he was great at life.” That stood out to me in a way because I was like, “I am good at a lot of my individual things, but I always knew that I want to be a great man.” If people say, “He’s a good director, producer, and actor, but he’s one of the best men that I know.” That’s what I want my thing to be. The trade-off is that because I know that there were times I could have gone to hang out with a certain group of people and party with them more. I probably could have gotten in my career earlier and book to show through them. If I would’ve gone in certain circles, I wanted to keep my character in check. In this business, when you’re doing that, you move a little bit differently and it’s not as easy to get to where you want to be.

It takes a little bit longer to when you’re fascinated by many things and you’re excited by many different creative endeavors. If I’m one thing, I am a master creator. The tools that I have are a camera, my voice, my presence, my ability to edit, conceptualize, and write. The cool thing is nowadays, that’s opening up more and YouTube is a big credit for this because you’ve seen people that are talented. There’s a bunch of trash out there, but there are some talented people that started making videos on their own and you see that you’re a brilliant writer and a funny actor. You directed and you edited all your own stuff. You almost are forced nowadays to be able to do all of those things at least well. The idea I had years ago when the industry was still a little bit different now. YouTube has changed drastically. I came out to LA many years ago, so getting to see where it’s all changed, I have my head and my heart in the right space. Now is the time where I am getting to thrive because I can do everything and they want people that can do everything, which is a beautiful thing.

Out of that skillset you mentioned, what do you feel strongest in? What are you working on the most?

I’m the best at editing because I’ve had my 10,000 hours in them. I had my 10,000 hours in acting as well, but the editing is what I’ve been good at from the get-go and it’s the easiest to get freelance work doing. I do that the most, but it’s also my least favorite because it goes against me. I’m a high energy guy and a lot of times, I like to keep moving. I’ve got ADD and I need to be bouncing around. They all serve something different. Directing is my favorite because it’s storytelling through other human beings. You have to rely on everybody else around you. You have to be able to communicate with your DP, your producer, and your actors. Acting is its own beautiful thing that helps me connect with myself and humanity in a way that nothing else can. I have to start to try to feel the emotions of somebody that I might in life judge.

I might look at this person and be like, “I would never do that,” but I need to for this scene. I then need to try to find out why I’d do that. Why would somebody go through that? It’s a beautiful thing when you get that enacting and you’d be like, “I understand that person so much more now.” The editing is a thing I’m doing most now to pay bills and then producing and directing are the thing that is set up for some big opportunities coming up in the near future. Acting is a thing that I love and I want to do, but I’m not willing at this point to do things that I don’t vibe with as an actor. I want to do things that feel good as an actor because there’s a lot of stuff. You have to sell yourself to make it as an actor in a lot of ways, doing things you don’t want to do. When I was younger, I was more willing to do things. Now, I’m like, “No, I’ll do things that feel right.” Directing and producing is my sweet spot.

A director is like a conductor of an orchestra. It’s like a flow state inducing thing because you have to synthesize all these moving parts in such a beautiful way that it almost naturally produces the most flow out of all of them. It’s easier to kick into it and that’s such a fun frost for certain people. That’s similar in my own life of having a wide spread of things. When you are a generalist, you have to be a conductor of your own life and there is some beauty to that because it forces you to focus, be efficient, and be who you want to be when you don’t feel like it.

It’s interesting because my brother’s an orthopedic surgeon, a trauma surgeon. He’s one of the best in the world because he’s at one of the busiest trauma hospitals in America. It’s the one that he works at and he’s the co-chief there. I remember him going through that process of getting out of med school realizing and having certain kinds of conversations with him. He didn’t know much else besides that. He didn’t know fully how to relate to other people and what was going on in the world a lot. I love watching his journey and now that he’s settled into work and doesn’t have to work hard to get to that place. He’s got kids and he’s got a little more free time. He has time to read, catch up and tap into the zeitgeist in a certain way.

It’s funny because so much of our family are like, “We got a doctor in the family.” I’ve got this thing and I’ll call my brother. You can go online, Google and know more than my brother will who go through ten years of med school because he is specific. He’s good at this one thing and not as good at a lot of other things. I’m not saying anything. My brother is an amazing father and husband, and one of the coolest people you will ever meet. He’s good at a lot of stuff, but you see the difference between somebody that focuses solely on that one thing and become good at it and how that creates a certain lack in other areas of their life. If you take on a bunch of different things, it can make you flimsy in a way, but that all depends on your character. My brother has a lot of character, so that didn’t become a detriment to him because he was willing to put in work to build those areas up. Even though I might not be a specific specialist in one type of thing, I put in the work to make sure that I still master all the things that I do. I’m not like, “I’ll do this. I’ll go this way.”

That’s a good way to show the tradeoffs in both. I do think what you made the point of it is interesting that I never thought of. With the way the world’s going and where society is, there has been a shift to where now, being a specialist is only good in certain fields and being a generalist is more useful in more fields because of the speed and rate of change. The speed at which technology is taking over positions means that we have to be more adaptable and generally skilled to facilitate the new world we’re going to live in ten years. There are certain fields like medicine and being a doctor where being a specialist is super important.

It’s like, “Please, I need you to only be good at that. I don’t want you to be good at a bunch of stuff. If I’m going to need you for surgery on my knee, I hope that’s your desk.”

They’re both needed, but it has been interesting to see a little bit of a shift in the culture. You mentioned your big goals and big visions. What is that one thing you’re praying? What does that big goal or vision? What is that’s in front of you that you feel is your calling or that you’re pursuing?

You don’t have to be good at a lot of things. You just need to be good at life. Click To Tweet

My big goal from a career standpoint is to have my own production company. I look at how the rock has his thing. I don’t want to be a star like the rock, but I love that he has these big movies that he gets to have fun doing and they look like fun. I would love to have something like that. His production company has its show Ballers. He’s got some cool documentaries with these teens in their last chance with the juvie system. He’s about inspiring and he has a little bit of everything. He’s got his Ballers TV series, some documentaries, and movies. He’s got his Under Armour apparel. It’s all inspirational type positive stuff. I want to have something similar to what that looks like for me because mentoring is such a big thing.

I want to be telling stories on all levels from TV to the internet to the cinema and get to be in them, behind them, and inviting other people that come and join in and tell their stories. I want to make sure that I’m using that platform. My main goal is to put in work in the inner cities. That’s what it is. I want to start to give a voice to the voiceless and hope to people. Homelessness is a big issue and I would love to be able to tap into that in a way. No matter what, I want to be able to create content that helps to tell those stories and shine a spotlight on those things and help. I like to bring people together more. There’s so much stuff out there that drives people apart. I want to make sure that the stuff I’m bringing and creating, even if it’s a silly comedy or an action movie that has something to it that at least makes you feel good. Not everything has to be deep, but I definitely want to have some stuff like that, that it’s thought-provoking, but I also want to do stuff that makes people feel good and gets their mind off of their hard day sometimes.

The redemptive value in it and also things that create unity, that’s huge. One of the things I like talking to guests or background references is how they’d describe the guest in two words. Here are some of those, and some of them may resonate with you. The interesting thing about a lot of your community, sometimes people will say, “This word and then this word.” All of yours were two words to describe something. We have a loving beast, the perfect balance of sensitivity and strength, pure breed, deep voice, true king, and trusted friend. Some beautiful ones there. What does that mean to you?

Loving beast and sensitivity and strength stand out to me a lot. I love the trusted friend because I always wanted to have that, but those two are how I do feel. I felt like it ties in my life. My kindness gets mistaken for weakness, which I was like, “If you want to do that, go for it.” I’m loving and sensitive, but I am powerful. I learned at a certain point how powerful I am and know that if I don’t control that, that can get out of hand sometimes, both in a good and a bad way. I love that. I am sensitive because I was the younger sibling and I was made fun of a lot as a kid. I saw that I have sensitivities to things, but I’ve also sharpened myself to become the man I know I need to be and the man I want to be, which a leader is.

I found the strength within myself. I glean things from both of my parents. One of the things that both of them have is an incredible work ethic and my brother, too. He’s hard and fearless. Those are two things. Once I started getting and building my relationship with Jesus, that’s the thing I always felt from Him. Reading the scripture, He could be sensitive, but there were times when all you felt was pure strengths and you’re like, “Whoa.” Even in those moments where He was strong and you might pull back in fear, you wouldn’t because that strength is coming from a place of love. I did a lot of work and I’m constantly doing it and will continue for the rest of my life to make myself stronger, but only through the lens of love. The fact that that’s what they said about me, my heart is beaming. Those are the most important people to me. For them to say that is a blessing.

What book or books have had the biggest impact on you?

The Purpose Driven Life when I read that years ago. Even though now, it’s a cliché, but I’ll be real. It’s a bestseller for a reason, especially if you’re looking to start on any journey even you have to be a faithful person. If you’re looking to try to make a positive impact in the world, have a purpose-driven life. Also, a book that Erwin wrote. I cannot think about it because I’ve read many of his books. It was a few books ago, but it was when I was going through this process of change and growth and it impacted me. It’s about building your character in God and it’s good. Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Outliers, had a big impact on me because I love learning why things are. We try to get across to our mentees like, “Find your why.” I love that when you get to break down because many were coming up. You see successful people or confident people. They’re all these things. They must have had it that way. They must’ve been born that way or they got lucky. There are different things that go into play with this and it levels the playing field in a lot of ways. That book was cool to me. That opened up my curiosity and I’ve been reading many different books like that ever since then of realizing the capacity for what the mind can do and tapping into that.

What new habit or belief has most positively impacted you in your life?

Creating new habit loops, meditating on them and then writing them down every day. Also, setting an alert reminder like a calendar reminder. I meditate about it. I’ll write about it and then I have an alert that pops up when I see it. That’s consistency. That’s something that I failed at certain points in my life. Being consistent has been something that I’ve been focusing on because I know that my future life is going to need that, my baby, my kids and the kids that we mentor. One thing that they respond to most is consistency, us showing up. Consistency has been the one big habit and then all the little intricacies that you put that everywhere in your life. The results are astounding.

What questions do you ask yourself the most?

Why do you want to do this? Why are you doing this? Why are you upset? Why do you feel this way? Getting to the core of why I feel a certain way or why I’m doing something helps me set my intention. If I can’t answer that question clearly, I don’t have peace about me doing anything.

Imagining your 45-year-old self, what advice do you think you would give to your current self?

UAC 108 | Finding Your Soul-Mate

Finding Your Soul-Mate: Directing is storytelling through other human beings.

 

Let your guard down, manage your time more wisely, and trust more. I thought I had made so much progress and I have made so much growth. When you get in a relationship with that woman, you start to realize, “I am not as far along as I thought.” I have some walls built though. I have some triggers for things that I didn’t even realize because we, as men, bury some stuff way down. For the right woman, you can’t have that. You’ve got to have an all open. It’s all got to be out there and for you to have the few to have the energy that you need to get the rest, you need to be able to impact people as much as you want to. You have to manage your time wisely.

It’s been a shift for me as well. I’ve started believing in the benefit of a relationship or someone else to help me because I’m starting to see more like, “I will be grown. I will be forced to grow a lot more with a mirror that’s a lot closer to your face.”

I knew I had this like a mini epiphany from seeing my brother reading Christian relationship books. A part of it was The Meaning of Marriage. I’m feeling what God was telling me and I was like, “I know myself. I’m better when I have somebody holding me accountable. I just am. When I’m left to my own devices, I can self-sabotage day after day, but when someone’s counting on me, I show up. I step up. I’m not going to fully see my full potential realized until I have that person. I knew it.” The growth I’ve had in the time we’ve been together has been insane. That’s why it’s been painful at times because it’s been so soon. I know that God brought her into my life and we talk about this all the time. He brought us together at this time for a reason, because we’re on this trajectory that is beautiful and it’s fun to watch what I bring to her and what she brings to me. It’s such a blessing and you’re like, “That’s what God was talking about with the importance of a man and a woman coming together.”

If you could send a morning text reminder to every up and comer out there, what would you say and why? It’s a text they would get every morning on their phone as a reminder.

Believe that the best life that you want is going to happen because if you believe it, you start to act that way and then you become better. Belief is such a big thing that we try to give to the kids that hope. If you believe that all you have is a terrible life or if you believe that you aren’t going to be somebody and you’re going to be unhappy, what’s the point of trying to be happy? What’s the point of even trying these things? If you believe that these things are going to happen, you’re going to go about your day much differently.

It’s such a powerful thing. There’s always a preaching truth to yourself and then there’s the believing truth. The way you believe it is by acting on it. Joshua Davis, thank you for coming on. This has been a blast. Where should people reach out or find your work?

I have a website at JoshuaBDavis.com and you can hit me up on Instagram at @Joshua_Brandon_Davis. Give me a shout and I’ve got a ton of videos on YouTube from BuzzFeed as well. I’m sure you can find those me doing silly, crazy things.

This has been awesome. We hope you all reading, have an up and coming week. 

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About Joshua Davis

UAC 108 | Finding Your Soul-MateWith over 12 years of experience working in the entertainment industry, I’ve become a jack of all trades. Behind the camera, I’ve directed several short films, a web-series, and several music videos. Most recently, I was a producer for BuzzFeed, one of the largest media companies in the world. While there, I was the co-creator a hit series on BuzzFeed’s Youtube channel. I also produced, directed, and edited over 50 videos; amassing more than 75 million views on YouTube.

In front of the camera, I’m both an actor and host. As an actor I’ve appeared in national commercials for IHOP, Capital One, and Jack In the Box. I’ve also been in several independent films and some hit TV shows like Revenge, Grey’s Anatomy, and General Hospital. I was also the host of a hit YouTube series and many other videos while at BuzzFeed.

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